You know your sign and your Myers-Briggs. Now it’s time to ask the important questions: which piece of work by the Old Masters are you? Do you belong in the Louvre or in lost in someone’s attic?
If you don’t know what we’re talking about, here’s a little 411: the Old Masters are a group of influential European artists who worked between the Renaissance and 1800. Together, the Old Masters’ oeuvre encompasses art movements from the Proto-Renaissance to Dutch Realism and Romanticism. Essentially, when you think of the canon of art history, you think of these guys (literally, because they were all dudes of course.)
The Insta Thot
Johannes Vermeer, Girl with a Pearl Earring
Your online shopping cart is probably full of more clothing than you’ll ever need, and you never miss the opportunity to post an #ootd on Instagram. Like Vermeer’s Girl with a Pearl Earring, you’re ready to whip out the smize and ~mysterious look-over-the-shoulder pose~ at any moment.
Michelangelo, Statue of David
You spend far too much time at the gym. Your social life most likely revolves around bottle service and your #swollmates. You find any excuse possible to show off your muscles or complain about how sore you are after arm day.
Goya, Saturn Devouring His Son
Like the works created by Goya towards the end of his life, you are often moody, thoughtful, and pessimistic. You dislike authority and following the rules, and you aren’t afraid to stand out from a crowd. You actually made it through Morrissey’s autobiography.
Botticelli, Birth of Venus
You’re a natural born leader, badass bitch, and are unafraid to let people know what you think. Your ultimate role model is Beyonce because, like the goddess Venus, you woke up like this: flawless.
The Deep Thinker
Raphael, School of Athens
You voluntarily spend time in the library and dedicate your life to academia. You collect Moleskines and Warby Parker glasses. In your free time, you get together with your philosophy bros to have heated discussions about Nietzsche while drinking $8 cold brews in Williamsburg.
Bosch, Garden of Earthly Delights
You’re a kook who makes everything into a joke. Like Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights— which includes a man hugging a very large owl, a pig dressed up as a nun, and flora growing out of all types of human orifices– you love the surreal and absurd.
Which Old Masters work are you?